I loved this. A friend sent it to me. I think it has so many ways to be applied. It can be used as a guiding principle with coaching other teachers, in working with colleagues, in talking with adolescents, in all our loving relationships.
Turning To One Another
by Margaret Wheatley
There are many ways to sit and
listen for the differences. Lately, I’ve
been listening for what surprises me.
What did I just hear that startled me?
This isn’t easy – I’m accustomed to sitting there nodding my head to
those saying things I agree with. But
when I notice what surprises me, I’m able to see my own views more clearly,
including my beliefs and assumptions.
Noticing what surprises and disturbs
me has been a very useful way to see invisible beliefs. If what you say surprises me, I must have
been assuming something else was true.
If what you say disturbs me, I must believe something contrary to
you. My shock at your position exposes
my own position. When I hear myself
saying, “How could anyone believe something like that”? a light comes on for me
to see my own beliefs. These moments are
great gifts. If I can see my beliefs and
assumptions, I can decide whether I still value them.
I hope you’ll begin a conversation,
listening for what’s new. Listen as best
you can for what’s different, for what surprises you. See if this practice helps you learn
something new. Notice whether you
develop a better relationship with the person you’re talking with. If you try this with several people, you
might find yourself laughing in delight as you realize how many unique ways
there are to be human.
We have the opportunity many times a
day, every day, to be the one who listens to others, curious rather than
certain. But the greatest benefit of all
is that listening moves us closer. When
we listen with less judgment, we always develop better relationship with each
other. It’s not differences that divide
us. It’s our judgments about each other
that do. Curiosity and good listening
bring us back together.
Sometimes we hesitate to listen for
differences because we don’t want to change.
We’re comfortable with our lives, and if we listened to anyone who
raised questions, we’d have to get engaged in changing things. If we don’t listen, things can stay as they
are and we won’t have to expend any energy.
But most of us do see things in our life or in the world that we would
like to be different. If that’s true, we
have to listen more, not less. And we
have to be willing to move into the very uncomfortable place of uncertainty.
We can’t be creative if we refuse to
be confused. Change always starts with
confusion’ cherished interpretations must dissolve to make way for the
new. Of course it’s scary to give up
what we know, but the abyss is where newness lives. Great ideas and inventions miraculously
appear in the space of not knowing. If
we can move through the fear and enter the abyss, we are rewarded greatly. We rediscover we’re creative.
As the world grows more strange and
puzzling and difficult, I don’t believe most of us want to keep struggling
through it alone. I can’t know what to
do from my own narrow perspective. I
know I need a better understanding of what’s going on. I want to sit down with you and talk about
all the frightening and hopeful things I observe, and listen to what frightens
you and gives you hope. I need new ideas
and solutions for the problems I care about.
I know I need to talk to you to discover those. I need to learn to value your perspective,
and I want you to value mine. I expect
to be disturbed by what I hear from you.
I know we don’t have to agree with each other in order to think well
together. There is no need for us to be
joined at the head. We are joined by our
human hearts.
